A lonely Wednesday Night...

For some reason, tonight is a strange night for me...I am here alone in my apartment and it's unusually quiet...

So, I watched a movie and got back online only to find that I'm still the only one online...it's strange. Usually on a Wednesday night I could have my pick of people to talk to but being the day before a holiday...it's quiet.

Everyone is either on their way to see family or wrapping presents or baking cookies...I have no real preparations...the Christmas stress just doesn't exist for me and although it might sound strange, I miss it.

Mike and Dalia are my angels this year in their generosity of trying to give me a Christmas...I am looking forward to it, since I don't really want to be alone on Christmas Eve again this year...it was sort of brutal last year...

It just doesn't seem right to be celebrating Christmas without consulting my Grammy...it's just all so different this year...it sucked being in NYC alone on Christmas Eve last year, but my Grammy made sure somebody's phone was passed around and that everyone wished me a Merry Christmas...it just sucks that my aunts and uncles can't get past their bullshit and get along with my family...

This year will be different for my family. It's weird but in the matter of a year I lost the rest of my extended family. My dad's side never really took an interest in us, and I realized more than ever this year that my mom's side (aunts/uncles) went through the motions, but they never really took an interest in Angela, Nick, Melissa, or myself...sure they were nice enough to us, but by writing off our parents, they've written us off too and I honestly don't think they care...The only one who still takes an interest is my cousin Ashley...

So as I sit here and reflect upon my non-existent plans with my family...I can't help but miss my true family in Michigan: Mom, Dad, Ang, Owen, Nick, Julie, and Melissa (and Kevin and baby to be)...they are the only ones that matter to me, and the only family besides my Grammy that I ache for on this cold lonely winter night...